Thursday, July 15, 2010

Optimism PRIME

Today is the first day of year 38.. I have completed 37 years and am looking at that number thinking, hell, I really am middle aged. I'm halfway there, maybe. "There" would be my eternal reward with Jesus in heaven. It could come sooner. It might come later. But I have to understand that time is merely a tool to measure how far I have come and how far I have left.

Year 37 was most definitely a Prime year. Chris was able to work at his long awaited calling, for pay! The boys have grown into B-O-Y-S! They are more aware and smart and self reliant. I am needed less and less. But that is them.

This year I have battled depression, confusion, and being somewhat unsure of what to do next. I have also found extreme joy in a new teaching position, made new friends, enjoyed my family a lot, improved my housekeeping skills (eh? ok a little, but I'm counting it), and come to understand that when a family lives in crisis for years at a time, it's hard to adjust to noncrisis living.  I'm still learning how to do that.

I see life through a different colored lens than in previous years. Not rose colored, just merely tinted with a new color I'm not familiar with. Little things don't matter. Little things are material things like stuff, being on time, what's for dinner, and getting cut off in traffic. Big things matter so much more. Big things are caring for people whether I know them or not, not being afraid to feel the emotions I've been given, living life in a way that honors God above all my understanding and earthly ties. My lens probably has an astigmatism, like my real eyes. Things are twisted  enough to prevent clear vision. That I won't get until I am perfected in Heaven. But I feel like I got new glasses this year, improving on my degenerative condition. Because of that, I am optimistic about this coming year.

So, if I finally hit my prime.... I hope it lasts for quite some time.


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