She Did It!

A peek into graduation, from inside my head...

There are so many feelings coursing through my soul this weekend. I took a moment during the ceremony (I had some time to think while the undergrads commenced) to just take in the moment of the day. It was loud, and crazy, and ceremonial, and a little weird for a 40+ mom. But oh, how sweet it was. I feel so many things about completing this degree.

I am grateful. Yep, it's a feeling. I am overwhelmed with gratitude to: God for His gifts of wisdom and protection and provision and so much more; My husband, for walking with me with kindness and understanding through the journey of this schooling experience; my children, for eating way too many fast food meals and living in a messy hovel with irregularly cleaned clothes; my friends, for remembering me even when I forgot important things like calling and keeping in touch.. the list just goes on and on.

I am proud. I did it! I worked full time, kept the family alive, and learned lots of new stuff and I did it! And it feels good. A bit complex, too. As a Christian, we are warned against pride that puffs us up. I struggle with that. But in this instance, I think this pride acknowledges that I did it, with help from those around me and God Himself, most importantly,directing my steps. He gets the glory, but I still am so proud that I did this huge thing. It was work and took courage and was not easy. And I did what I needed to do. I will not discount the effort that this degree required with false humility.

I am joyful! This is a deep and profound lightness in my spirit that bubbles out in my smile. I find myself smiling huge for no apparent reason this weekend. There is joy in finishing well and accomplishing a big goal. I had forgotten that feeling. Before undertaking this degree, I can't remember the last large goal I had to work hard for. There is certainly something powerful in the joy that comes from accomplishing a hard won thing.

I am a bit scared, too. Everyone keeps asking "What are you going to do with all that free time?" And I don't know. It seems wrong to say "sleep more, watch more tv, maybe dust some flat surfaces?" I don't know what God has for me next. I do know that this degree allows me to make some career changes. That is very scary. Exciting, too. But still scary.

My head can be a messy place. Big feelings make me distinctly uncomfortable, but I am processing through it all. And I embrace the life that these emotions stem from. I graduated,so apparently old dogs can learn new tricks. I hoe that applies to other areas of my life as well.