Wednesday, January 6, 2010

Application: Mom of the Year!

To the Academy for Mothers:

Dear Sirs and Madams:

Please consider me for your annual Mother of the Year Award. There are many reasons I should be considered and  at least make the top ten. Here are a few of them.

Tonight I am feeding my family from my freezer. In efforts to not eat out as much, I am eating food I have already purchased. And variety IS my middle name. Chicken Nuggets, tater tots, taquitos, and cheese sticks cover all major food groups. And I'll even throw in the jalepeno poppers for an added vegetable.

I also regularly instruct my two boys in how to take care of themselves. You see, Oh great seers of all Motherdom, I am looking out for their future spouses. Clothes go in the drawers. I am not sure which drawers and seldom check, but clothes are in the drawers, except the ones they have left in their beds. But, the point is they are not on the floor.

I am well versed in conflict negotiation. In fact, the UN should contact me soon and I could solve the Middle East Peace crises. For example, just recently I was able to negotiate a Peace Treaty in the land of "He won't stop touching me." My methods are simple and direct. I touched them both. Forcibly. In a manner that will not be forgotten. Problem solved. I am also well versed in the methods of "I shout louder than you", "I am bigger than you", and "Because I'm the MOM, that's why!"

I regularly conserve water and am aware of the importance of having a lovely aesthetic surrounding. Children only get bathed on an as needed basis. If I don't smell them coming, do they really need it?? I thought not. And I also only wash clothes that are visibly in need of a good scrubbing. Less water used. See? It works all around.

These are just a few of my credentials that should secure me a place of honor at the next Mother of the Year Banquet. I have more examples and references available upon request. In fact, I'll wait up because I know you will be calling me as soon as you read this.

So, dear panel, please consider me for this Awesome honor. I know I have earned it.

Sincerely,
Marie, the Wonder Mom

2 comments:

Mrs. SQ said...

You've got my vote!

Kim said...

You are hilarious!

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