Tuesday, April 6, 2010

Sick of the hurtin'

Ok, I've got a soapbox I need to get on for a while. I am so sick of marriages breaking up! Just angry and sick and sad about it.

Ok, where did this outburst come from you might wonder?? Before you go assuming there is trouble in Willingham's World, let me assure you that we are happy and fine and secure. I have been inundated lately with co-workers going through divorces. I have been faced with numerous friends and church family who are struggling to stay in their marriages.  I have heard countless tales of infidelity, verbal cruelty, selfish ambition,  careless living, and just plain being a butt head for no apparent reason.

My heart hurts for my friends. For the women who have cheating husbands. Who have tried to reconcile and keep the faith of their marriage promises in the face of ultimate betrayal. Who have to answer their children's innocent questions about "Where is Daddy?" Who are left to pick up the pieces of their life with destroyed credit, embittered views, and a loss of faith because the one who was supposed to love them the most sought another's love.

My head can't understand the pain of the husbands who live with harpies of wives who emasculate them and demean them and show no honor to their spouse. Men who have to navigate a world which is often times hostile to a man being manly and model Godly behavior to belligerant, arrogant females who act nothing like ladies. The guys who want to do the right thing and have no support.

My eyes cry for the kids of divorce and crummy marriages. I see them everyday. Dad's in jail. Mom's moved and left them with Grandma because her job was too important to raise them. Kids who view adults as their servants or their abusers. Children who have no foundation of solid family love and support. Students too busy raising their younger siblings, hiding in their rooms, visiting non custodial parents, diappearing into media, or embittered by their raw deal to get their homework done, or even remember what was assigned.

And I am so tired of the weak marriage. The one that gets by, but never flourishes. That marriage riddled with misunderstanding because the participants are either too stubborn or too broken to work on fixing it. The lopsided marriage of misuse or emotional abuse where a spouse is too blind to notice it slipping away. The busy marriage that doesn't take the time to heal, grow, or acknowledge the good deeds done in love because the XYZ is critical "right now. We can deal with THAT later."

Yeah, my heart is hurting right now. I am thankful for my marriage and my family and all the good in my life. I don't discount that at all. But I see so much pain and suffering in the world around me, that rich, well financed world I have been called to minister to.  Money certainly can't buy happiness. I wonder why people try.


Gary Chevalier said...

We are SOOOOO with you on that! It seems that we also have been inundated (GREAT word, by the way) with knowledge, stories, etc. of marriage turmoil, etc...all the things you listed.

You knew us in the early days - aside from physical abuse and extra-marital affairs, I think we tried it all; yet we made it. Because of this, we feel called by God to make a difference for others. For some reason, though, He has not opened those doors for us - and it is so frustrating to watch the marital mayhem around us. I feel like the kid throwing starfish back into the ocean...I know we can't help them all - but right now I feel like I can't even get down to the beach to help even one!

So I'm with you! I hate it, hate it, hate it! All the needless pain and suffering turns my stomach...

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